The best Christmas gift is an anal sex 2014
Christmas is upon us, and hopefully you’ll be upon your partner in this time of giving. Whether you’re with somebody new or you’ve unwrapped that box a hundred times before the holidays, our Christmas sex positions are sure to become instant holiday favorites. We’ve made a list, and you’re welcome to check it twice. Whether you two are naughty, nice or a couple of depraved pervs, there’s a goodie in this sack for everyone.
This move centers around some classic teabaging, either before, during or after intercourse. So whenever you decide to do it, walk to the kitchen and frost your schwetty balls with leftover green and red frosting from the Christmas cookies to appeal to her sweet tooth and ensure extra-intense tongue action. Bonus points if you swirl some red frosting around your penis for a candy cane bonus.
Santa’s Little Helpers
Men, quit worrying about being “big” enough and start to think small; try imitating elves and have sex on your knees. A little pocket rocket vibrator can provide the elfin magic. Your usual smooth bass bedroom voice will ruin the whole thing, so keep helium close by to take hits and talk dirty in a higher octave. It’s going to be a busy night on your part, but at least she can pretend she was with another guy while you maintain a size advantage in reality. If this position unleashes a previously unknown elf fetish, you’re jolly well screwed.
Not only is Christmas a great time for sex, it is also a time when family can be a little too close at all the wrong times. So this year, make the most of it by engaging in some exciting secret holiday sex with your partner at a very unsuspecting time: Christmas dinner. The goal is for you and your partner to separately excuse yourselves in the middle of dinner, without arousing suspicion, then make your way up to an available bedroom for a quickie.